You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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