We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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