I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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