dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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