Your dad touched me again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
