Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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