i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
