Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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