where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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