First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
