Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
