I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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