you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
