FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
