If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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