And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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