i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
