Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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