I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
