glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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