Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Will you blow on my dice?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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