I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize