it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you had me at cake vodka
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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