this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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