before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize