What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
