Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
