I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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