woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
