How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
