how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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