I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
