I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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