these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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