dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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