My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You have to summon your inner elephant
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
