Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
