Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
