Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
