idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
