Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
