East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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