On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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