im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
