I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
