you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
a search helicopter?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
