you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
