where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
