I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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