you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
