I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
