Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
