She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
