just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
