dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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