just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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