I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
