I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
