Kiss
Puke
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
