Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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