No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
