So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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