WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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