I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
kristin has been a bad kristin
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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