I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
