i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
