You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
