I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The power of my boobs compel you
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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