My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
