I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
