Your face is a jimmy john
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
