Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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