yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
