what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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