How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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