Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
