If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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