Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
