Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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