Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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