I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize