Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
