if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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