I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
