i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
