You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
