this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
