WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
