I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
