did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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