Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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