There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
