A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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